Once More With Feeling Etude
by CalmintheChaos
Summary: My version of "Once More with Feeling" with a B/G twist. This is a song fic, yes, but I have written a lot of story with it too!
1. Impromtu

Description: My version of "Once More with Feeling" with a B/G twist.

Don't get me wrong, I love Spuffy fics, but I occasionally fall in love with B/G fics too because I'm in love with older men (especially A.S.H).

Disclaimer: Joss is Boss. For this chapter I'm borrowing Thriving Ivory's "Twilight". I recommend listening to it as you read.

No harm intended. No profit being made.

A/N: What did Giles sing about that first night? He never really says. He also later sings about **wishing** 'he could play the father'…is that maybe because he loves Buffy in a different way?

**Impromptu**

Giles gazed out of his hotel room window. The sun was setting over Sunnydale. After all the years of fighting evil in its various forms he could not remember ever really looking at the Californian sun transform the sky into a work of art.

He wished he could share it. A watcher's life was a lonely one, dedicated to one woman, always an arm's reach away.

Buffy.

He had been overwhelmed with joy at the news of her resurrection. It was short lived after his confrontation with Willow and the days to follow. Buffy seemed distant.

Going through the motions, as it were.

Perhaps she wouldn't step up and snap out of her haze as long as he was around. She was using him as a crutch to scrape by. What was the old adage? If you love something, let it go?

And by God, did he love her. But was it enough to let her go, even if it meant she might fall?

Giles reached for his handkerchief and began to polish his glasses. Twilight began to descend on the town. Emotion began to swell within him and the desire to release it was overwhelming.

_Where was that music coming from? _

The melody rose. They had both been so frustrated at each other. At the choices they would both face in the last days and hours up to the fight with Glory.

"I recall a long farewell and a time to choose  
>So we fought like rivers baby, yeah like rivers do"<p>

Giles sighed. He leaned against the window frame.

"Show me what it looks like  
>Outside your window at twilight<br>Show me what it looks like"

Rupert placed his glasses back on his nose and turned from the window. He remembered how grief stricken he was over the loss of his Slayer. His purpose for being on this earth was gone.

"I recall driving home, this ain't gonna hit me till God knows when  
>You know I feel it in my bones and I wear it on my skin<br>But there ain't no use in right or wrong  
>A heart must go where it belongs"<p>

There had been so many things he had wanted to show her, tell her.

"Show me what it looks like  
>Outside your window at twilight<br>Is it me that you see dancing on a line  
>Singing I could be yours if you would be mine<br>Come on grow old with me and surely you'll see"

He had never had the chance. She had died so her sister could live. So all of them could live. 

His heart had shattered when he came upon her lifeless body in the center of the construction site.

"And I remember thinking, that boy you must be dreaming  
>So hold on, hold on, before it's all gone"<p>

He had thought maybe he was the one who had died and this was his own personal hell. Created to torment him with what he feared most because he had killed Ben, an innocent. Surely Buffy was the one alive and grief stricken over his death.

"And I do remember thinking that your world would go on spinning  
>Without me now, so c'mon, c'mon please "<p>

Dawns cries had brought him out of his wishful thinking. He was alive, but with his Slayer gone, his heart was dead.

A knock tapped on his door. Rupert moved to open the way for the wait staff to set up his room service. As the music swelled to a crescendo, the waiters began to dance around him, holding various implements that glittered around the room.

"Show me what it looks like  
>Outside you window at twilight<p>

Show me what it looks like  
>Outside you window at twilight, yea"<p>

The staff pranced out of the room.

Giles looked at his meal. His emotional stress would not allow him to eat. He turned his back on the food, back to the window. It was almost dark. Buffy would patrol soon.

"Yea, Show me what it looks like  
>Outside your window at twilight"<p>

On the plane ride back, Giles had been determined to tell Buffy his feelings for her. He would not waste another second of their time together on this earth.

"Is it me that you see dancing on a line  
>Singing I could be yours if you would be mine<br>Show me what it looks like  
>Show me what it looks like<br>Show me what it looks like  
>Come on grow old with me and surely you'll see"<p>

But she had come back broken, missing a piece, missing her spark. Would it be enough just to be here for her? Perhaps pulling the crutch from under her, leaving her to go back to England, would snap her back into reality.

"I recall a long farewell and a time to choose  
>So we fought like rivers baby, yeah like rivers do"<p>

_Had he just been singing?_

A/N: Reviews are shiny and make me a better writer! This is my first attempt at Buffy FF. Drop me a line, even if it's a short: "I like where you're going" no flames please. And yes, I'm a aware I omitted one line of the song and change a few words.


	2. Ensemble

Description: My version of "Once More with Feeling" with a B/G twist.

Disclaimer: Joss is Boss. No harm intended. No profit being made.

A/N: Some of this I have gleaned from Joss's commentary from the musical.

**Ensemble**

He could always tell when she was lying.

Her responses always came to quick and her voice tried too hard to be innocent and light. She remembered what she sang about last night, she just didn't want to share. Giles was noticing similar responses to a lot of their polite inquiries to try and integrate Buffy back into 'the normal routine'.

Buffy seemed to shy away from her friends. She was distant with everyone, even him. That stung him more than he care to admit. There were things she wasn't telling him, and her abrupt departure the second Angel had called had left him...jealous? Hurt? Bewildered in the wake of taking care of the bills and Dawn?

Giles noted that Buffy removed herself from the group singing their theories. Even this musical epidemic could not bring her to be near anyone.

He turned to look upstairs and gather a few rare texts that may be relevant. His heart was heavy, _How can I help my Slayer when she is so cold?_

Then, Rupert heard a golden voice lift up into the room.

I've got a theory

It doesn't matter…

What can't we face  
>If we're together?<br>What's in this place  
>That we can't weather?<p>

Buffy looked around the room. Everyone was with her on this. She turned to Giles for his approval. She looked him in the eyes. She had been overwhelmed with relief and comfort when he entered the Magick Shoppe. Finally, someone she could anchor to. Someone who might even understand her torment. Someone who could help her find her spark. He had tried so hard to be close to her and Buffy had been torn between running away at the intense warmth that came from him and embracing it no matter what line she would have to cross to encompass all of it.

Through her eyes she pleaded with Giles, hoping he might be able to understand. _Please. I'm trying to reach out the only way I know how. As much as this song will let me hide a part of the truth that I'm really dying inside._

We're working through  
>Within a minute<p>

A small smile was on his lips. She had won him over. He joined in, accepting Buffy's offer of teamwork. Maybe this was the chance he'd been hoping for, a little progress.

We have to try  
>We'll pay the price<br>It's do or die

Hey, I've died twice!

Giles face broke out into a full smile. "What can't we face, If we're together?" How he desperately wanted everyone to disappear so he could tell her just that, in the comfort of his arms. _Get a grip man_, his mind scolded him.

What's in this place  
>That we can't weather?<p>

There's nothing we can't face!

Except for bunnies...

"So what is it? What's causing it?" Buffy asked.

Giles looked at her, confused. Didn't they just sing an entire song about…

"I thought it didn't matter."

And there it was. Buffy's quips and jibes. Her version of a cold shoulder that clearly said to him, back off.

_So much for progress._


	3. Dissonance

Description: My version of "Once More with Feeling" with a B/G twist.

Disclaimer: Joss is Boss. For this chapter I'm borrowing "Something" by the Beatles.

A/N: A dash of my version of "Flooded" is in this as well. Sorry this chapter's a long one!

**Dissonance**

Buffy could not believe this was happening to her.

Spike was singing.

To her.

_God, haven't I been through enough hell?_

They continued to walk from his crypt through the cemetery. The night was cool and the moon casted a blue hue over the grave stones. She saw a funeral procession ahead and didn't give it a second thought; she had seen stranger things in Sunnydale's cemeteries.

I know I should go  
>But I follow you like a man possessed<br>There's a traitor here beneath my breast

Buffy crossed her arms and gave Spike the best 'annoyed Slayer' look she could muster. This was ridiculous. A vampire with a bleeding heart. _I guess he really does take after his grand-sire._

And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed  
>If my heart could beat, it would break my chest<p>

Why was she wasting her time with him? They had begun some weird 'cast outs' companion thing but now Buffy wasn't sure what to think of this 'puppy love' he had for her. She couldn't handle it if he left, like she knew he would, just like Angel had. It was a part of their vampiric nature. He had taken care of Dawn and she was grateful. But she would never think about him in _that_ way. Buffy sighed, _Nope. No more cold dead things for me. _

But I can see you're unimpressed  
>So leave me be...<p>

And let me rest in peace  
>Let me get some sleep<p>

And as if he had read her mind Spike began to reek havoc on the funeral party.

Let me take my love and bury it  
>In a hole six foot deep<br>I can lay my body down  
>But I can't find my sweet release<p>

Buffy pulled him off the priest. What was he going to do? Lick him to death? As she pulled on him she lost her balance and landed on top of Spike in the open grave.

Let me rest in peace!  
>Why won't you let me rest in peace?<p>

Disgusted, Buffy pulled herself away and leaped out of the grave.

Fine. If that's what he really wanted. She'd leave him the hell alone.

**…...…..…...**

Buffy felt her foot make contact with the board, breaking it in two. She felt a bead of sweat trickle down her back and a muscle in her arm twinge.

But she couldn't really _feel_ anything.

She moved to stretch, worried about the work out session would turn into an 80s montage. That's what she said, but what she was truly worried about was singing again. Whatever that was making them sing was forcing people to tell the truth, to tell people things they would rather keep secret. She couldn't have that happen to her, especially around Giles.

"Have you talked to Dawn about that incident at Halloween?" Giles inquired. Buffy gave her reply as she continued to stretch. _Of course_, thought Rupert, _there she goes using me to keep from acting on anything_. Perhaps it was time to leave. Time to force her to do something, anything at all.

"Okay. I'm ready".

Giles gathered his weapons and felt their weight in his hands. The weight on his heart lifted slightly as things began to slow and he began to sing.

Something in the way she moves,  
>Attracts me like no other lover.<br>Something in the way she woos me.

He watched her gracefully execute her exercise. Her strength and beauty calling to him like a siren's song.

I don't want to leave her now,  
>You know I believe and how.<p>

As he continued to watch her, he strained to find a trace of passion, of her fire that was once there. He couldn't.

Something in the way she knows,  
>And all I have to do is think of her.<br>Something in the things she shows me.

Buffy tried to focus on acting natural. Giles was singing about her. She went through the motions of her work out routine. She couldn't believe was she was hearing. A wave of emotion swept through her. Anxiety. Self Doubt. Nervousness. Angst. Relief. Admiration. Acceptance.

The man she might love might love her back.

Buffy had never thought of Giles as a father figure. A mentor, yes, father, no. He was really one of her best friends who had always been there for her. Her crush had always been there for the older Brit. His kind eyes, that jaw line, she admired his body that he had kept fit to keep up with her and her training. Not to mention his wit and charm. Buffy could always be herself around him. She didn't have to hide that huge part of herself that was tied in with Slaying.

I don't want to leave her now.  
>You know I believe and how.<p>

Buffy tried to act normal as she finished her session and walked towards him. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts and listening to the underlying meaning of his words she didn't realize he had finished.

Her mind racing caused her to blurt out, "How can you want me? I'm broken."

Giles's heart stopped. "What?"

Buffy froze. "What?"

Giles took a hesitant step towards her. She bowed her head, her hair creating a barrier between them. He could barely hear her whisper, "Do you mean it?"

He closed the gap between them. He lifted up her chin and cradled her face in his hands. Rupert could see unshed tears in her eyes and something else…although he dare not name it. Instead he choked out, "Yes."

Buffy lifted her own hand and held the hand on her face. His hands felt warm and strong. "It's almost enough to make me want to tell you about where…"

Concern filled his eyes. And questions. Before he could voice anything Buffy whirled away towards the door to the shop. "I can't. I just can't do this right now."

She didn't look back. She didn't see his face twist in anguish and heart break as his Slayer walked away from him. _If you love something you should let it go_. Perhaps it was time to schedule a trip back to England.

Buffy had meant to walk straight out of the shop and go home and think, however Willow had seen her.

"Hey Buff!"

Buffy turned and mustered a smile. "So me and Tara were talking and she agrees with Giles."

Buffy quirked an eyebrow. What was that called? A Freudian slip? Only Tara agreed on whatever it was, Willow apparently still was upset at Giles calling her out about her use of magicks.

"So me and Tara are gonna start paying rent I guess." Willow flashbacked to the night before. Giles had made it clear she was lucky he didn't make her pay for previous four months rent.

"_Buffy owes a lot of money to a lot of people. She thinks it's all on her. Well there are two other adults living in this house."_

_Willow didn't like Giles' tone of voice. "Geez Giles. Me and Tara moved in to help take care of Dawn. For Buffy. Because we're family." _

"_There was still money after the hospital took their share. I looked over ever bill, every transaction. That was Buffy's money, even with her gone, it should have been saved for Dawn's college fund. Not to be used to buy you and Tara textbooks, new clothes, or magick supplies. Were you going to keep on spending it until it ran out? Then what would you have done? Made Dawn get a job instead of getting your welching arse out there and getting a job yourself?"_

_Willow lowered her eyes. Giles removed his glasses pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll be damned if you allow Buffy to shoulder this burden alone, one you helped to create. I won't have her flipping burgers or waiting on drunks at the pub so you can continue your lifestyle. She deserves more than that."_

"I found a job tutoring freshman and Tara is looking into the student worker program. This way we can help out." _And Giles can get off my ass._

The clanging of the store's front bell and Spike's arrival with a life size Pinocchio didn't give Buffy a chance to respond.

**… … …**

A/N: Sorry about the bill rant by Giles. It just always burned me up that Willow never helped out with bills and made Buffy take a crappy job to make ends meet. I also imagine that Giles and Tara still sung their duet during that last part. Reviews encourage me to continue!


	4. Intermezzo

Description: My version of "Once More with Feeling" with a B/G twist.

Disclaimer: Joss is Boss. Mostly "OMWF" soundtrack with a bit from The Dandy Warhols "We Used to be Friends" (and only because I am in love with VM but will probably never write fics for it so this is my only chance to pay homage to it)

A/N: A dash of "Tabula Rasa" will be in this one. This chapter seemed to keep growing!

**Intermezzo**

One minute had passed and Giles felt a horrible feeling in his soul, what if he never saw her again?

Two minutes had passed and Giles began to pace the room. Had he made the right decision?

Three minutes had passed and they all began to sing, determined to help Buffy, and marched out of the shop, weapons in tow.

Willow couldn't help but sulk as they made their way to the Bronze. She had confronted Tara about giving her the silent treatment after Buffy left to fight.

"Tara? What's wrong? Did I do something?" Willow reached out towards her, only to have Tara pull away. "I know you used that spell on me. Do you think I'm stupid?"

Willow's heart dropped. "Tara, I'm so sorry…"

Tara couldn't help but to feel disgusted. "There is nothing you can say. You violated my mind. How could you after what Glory did to me?" She watched her girlfriend squirm, trying to give an excuse to her actions but she couldn't take it anymore. "You don't want to fight, you don't fight. You can't use magick to fix everything, to make things the way you want them." Then she gave Willow her ultimatum. No using magick for a week. Willow had to realize she had a problem, that she could really hurt someone, that she had to start considering her options and consequences; or she would leave her.

A fire engine's siren brought Willow out of her reverie. Tara just didn't understand. She used magick to help people. It's not like her spells ever had hurtful consequences, the day they did, then maybe she would look for help.

Across town Spike was taking a long drag from his cigarette. A part of him itched to get up and go help Buffy. He mentally kicked himself. What was he becoming? A bloody poofter just like Peaches, that's what. No, he had told her he hoped she burned. And William the Bloody was a vampire of his word. He threw down his cigarette, the embers flaring red before dying out on the pavement. Spike opened the back door to Willy's, determined to get pissed drunk before he had a chance to change his mind to go help the soddin' Slayer.

….…..…..

Buffy felt the demon compel her to continue as she approached him. He was going to force her secret out of her.

There was no pain  
>No fear, no doubt<br>Till they pulled me out  
>Of Heaven<p>

Rupert's heart sank to the pit of his stomach. Of course, how could they have been so blind? _She was the people's champion. Of course she would die and go to heaven._ _I've been a fool. We all have been fools. _

So that's my refrain  
>I live in hell<br>'Cause I've been expelled  
>From Heaven<p>

Willow was horrified. Hot tears began to roll down her face. What had she'd done to her best friend?

I think I was in Heaven...

So give me something to sing about!  
><em>Please<em> give me something...

Giles watched as his Slayer's dance became increasingly frenzied. Smoke began to surround her. He had to help her, he wouldn't loose her again, not if he could help it.

He stepped forward and grabbed her.

Life's not a song  
>Life isn't bliss<br>Life is just this:  
>It's living<p>

He reached out and stroked her hair lightly.

You'll get along  
>The pain that you feel<br>You only can heal  
>By living<p>

You have to go on living  
>So both of us are living<p>

Willow felt Tara move closer to comfort her. She felt like she was drowning. She whispered to Tara, "I think I need help."

The demon attempted to take Dawn with him, but Xander surprised them all at admitting he was the summoner creating a loophole. After his dramatic exit everyone stood in a stunned silence. Buffy's revelation was a lot to take in.

The silence was almost too much to bear, then Dawn began to sing. They all joined in and during their song Buffy was drawn to Giles and stood by him.

Understand we'll go hand in hand  
>But we'll walk alone in fear<p>

Everyone threw up their hands in frustration. However, in that instant, Buffy was compelled to grab and hold Giles' hand again. His hand was warm and she felt comforted for the first time in a long time. She looked up at him with doe eyes.

Where do we go from here?  
>When does "The End" appear?<p>

Giles looked down at Buffy, so many questions behind his eyes. She tugged on his hand slightly. She had to get outside, she couldn't breathe. But she couldn't bear to let go of his hand, she wanted to remain tethered to his warmth and strength. The others continued to sing as they removed themselves.

When do the trumpets cheer?  
>The curtains close<br>On a kiss, God knows  
>We can tell the end is near<p>

They entered the alley. Giles ran his hand through his hair and breathed in the crisp night air. He turned to face Buffy. "God, Buffy, why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm so sorry Giles. I just…I just…" Giles took a step closer to her. "I just didn't want you to think I was broken. I'm so cold Giles. "

Giles shook his head and took another step towards her as she began to sing and slowly moved towards him.

I touch the fire

And it freezes me

I look into it

And it's black

This isn't real

But I just wanna feel…

He took her into his arms as his lips captured hers. His heart leapt when he realized she was kissing him back. Buffy felt a jolt of pleasure shoot through her entire body when his tongue glided passed her lips. She pressed herself closer to him, determined to feel all of him as they continued to kiss passionately.

Where do we go from here?

They reluctantly broke apart when air became an issue. Giles began to say something but was interrupted by the Scoobies opening the door and came out into the alley. Buffy quickly moved away from Giles, hoping that no one would notice her flushed cheeks. She didn't have to worry, no one would meet her gaze. Dawn stepped forward, "Can we go home now?"

Silence stretched the entire walk home, making the house seem miles away from the Bronze. Xander and Anya left for their apartment as soon as they arrived. Willow mumbled something about packing right away for healing coven Tara wanted her to go to. Buffy reminded Dawn she had school the next day and earnestly promised that they would sit down tomorrow and talk about things.

It wasn't until the house grew quiet and Buffy became painfully aware Giles was in her living room probably in nothing but his boxers to sleep in. She crept down the stairs, not really wanting to wake him, but wanting to see him, to be near him. She was like a moth, drawn to his warmth. She reached the bottom and nearly collided into Giles. He reached out to steady her. "Buffy?"

_Why is this so hard? _Buffy continued to stand there. Giles seemed unsure what to do with her, which made Buffy feel worse. _Oh great, and now I'm crying huge crocodile tears and now my face will be all red and puffy._

Somehow time lapse and she was on the couch, clinging to Giles, sobbing into his chest. He rocked her and stroked her soft hair, murmuring his reassurance. He would hold her all night if need be. Soon her cries softened and she relaxed into him. Her breathing became rhythmic and Giles followed her into sleep.

….….….….

The next morning Giles woke up with a terrible crick in his neck. _Did I fall asleep reading again? _Then he felt a warm body next to him. _Buffy. _His heart lurched at remembering last night's revelations. She had been in heaven. They had kissed. _Oh my good Lord._

He needed a drink. He swallowed hard as Buffy cuddled closer to him.

He'd have to make do with coffee.

Rupert extracted himself from Buffy's embrace and pulled the couch blanket over her. He walked out the front door to retrieve the morning newspaper to read with his coffee, hoping that a bit of normal routine would clear his head.

He stood up and saw two teens engaged in what appeared to be a lover's quarrel. The girl had her arms crossed and her lips pursed. Her boyfriend's voice floated to Giles and his eyes narrowed in confusion at the music that seemed to accompany the fight.

It's something I said,

or someone I know.  
>Or you called me up,<p>

maybe I wasn't home.

The girl threw up her arms in frustration and walked away from the boy, however, he still trailed after her singing.

Now everybody needs some time,  
>And everybody knows<br>The rest of it's fine  
>And everybody knows that.<p>

Rupert's jaw dropped slightly.

_Why were they still singing?_

….….….….

A/N: A few more chapters to come, still with songs, story details and B/G goodness!


End file.
